You live in Cincinnati. You know what makes this city so great, but your out-of-town family and friends don’t. When they come to visit here’s how to answer their nagging questions.
1. The only city in the Midwest where a 2 hour wait is acceptable at restaurants.
Oh you want to make a reservation? That’s funny. Get there at 7pm and be prepared to drink the time away until 9pm. Our favorite long-wait restaurant?
2. We’re actually a giant small town.
It is extremely difficult to not run into at least one person you know anywhere you go. Anonymity doesn’t exist, so stay away from the drunken debauchery on Monday afternoons… Or do it here!
3. Nobody goes to Newport on the Levee.
This is not a cultural destination or a must-see for tourists. It’s just a movie theater and a weird restaurant where the staff insult you. Instead, check out some of the great places in Mainstrasse, like this one.
4. Everyone is part German.
We’re one of the oldest German towns in the nation. We make our own goetta and beer right here at home. We even host Oktoberfest, Zinzinnati, and Goetta fest!
5. The food in Mt. Adams is actually terrible.
Seriously Mt. Adams is just a lot of bars. There’s nowhere worth eating unless you’re drunk at 2am and buying street pizza or a hot dog. Except Rookwood. That place is awesome. And Teak.
6. No one remembers, but Jerry Springer was our mayor.
Seriously I didn’t even know this… Who voted for this guy?!
7. Our bars close at 2am.
A crazy night out will end at 1:30. And we don’t have clubs. Just bars. Lots of bars. One of my favorites?
8. East side vs. West side is an argument.
You know where you stand.
9. We hate Pittsburgh and St. Louis.
We’re raised with a deep-rooted disgust for both cities.
10. No one really dines or parties in the burbs. Except your parents.
Since there are no restaurants or places to go, most people head downtown. Or to this awesome place.
11. Our chili isn’t actually chili. Sorry Skyline.
It’s a topping. You put it on top of hotdogs, spaghetti, potatoes, and then add mustard, onion, cheese, beans… This is how we do chili.
12. You really need to own a car.
It’s a 20 minute drive everywhere. Everything is spread out and walking or biking only works if you stay in one part of the city. Just don’t drink and drive.
13. The weather here is unpredictable.
You’ll see all 4 seasons in one week. It was 90 and sunny on Saturday and today there was snow on my car. What the hell Ohio Valley?!
14. Your beer isn’t as good as our beer.
With tons of revived local breweries, we’re cranking out some of the best beers in the nation. Just look at Rhinegeist, Mad Tree, Mt. Carmel and 50 West for starters.
15. The Cincinnati International Airport is in Kentucky…
Commonly referred to as the Cincinnati International Airport, CVG actually stands for Covington, but the airport is in Hebron, KENTUCKY and definitely not Cincinnati. It’s also the second most expensive airport in the nation.
16. Where you went to high school matters.
What’s your name? Cool. Where’d you go to high school? If you aren’t from here be prepared to get socially ostracized. My clique is totally better than your clique!
17. Our taxis are creepy.
But we did just get Lyft and Uber. MAJOR.
18. Who Dey is a sentence.
19. East Walnut Hills is not the new OTR.
It’s just the new East Walnut Hills. Stop the comparisons.
Got something else on your mind? Tell us. We’re always ready to reply with oodles of sarcasm.