Follow these easy steps and you’ll be making a public scene in no time and in bed (or on the floor, depending on your ability to go HAM) by 8:00 PM. We like to think of it as being more of a drinking “solution.”
There is more than one way to approach day drinking. Ideally, you should wake up still drunk from the night before. If this isn’t possible, you have some catching up to do.
In the event of waking up well-rested and refreshed without the lingering shame and regret of the night before, proceed to the nearest liquor store and get yourself some party liquor. Whiskey: it’s what’s for breakfast.
If, however, your outgoing call history is an exhaustive list of your exes, you’re tagged in compromising photos of whatever the Hell happened last night and you feel like you got hit by a freight train, you may want to ease yourself in to this. Pull yourself together and mosey on down to Toast On Market. Sip a Bloody Mary or Mimosa as you nibble on some succulent French Toast or a hearty All-American breakfast, if that’s more your style.
You’ve fed yourself and you should be feeling more or less human again. Now is the time to carpe diem. Grab as much booze as you can carry, get some meats for grilling, find yourself a sober driver and head to the quarry.
If you can’t find anyone sober enough to get you out to the quarry, head over to the nearest park and have yourself a beer picnic. Okay, it’s “technically” against the rules, but that’s what Polar Pop cups are for. Duh. And remember: sober people are like bees – if you don’t bother them, they wont bother you.
Once you’ve had your fill of the great outdoors, set course for the bar. A dive bar or a more laid-back sports bar are the best options for a variety of reasons:
1. You’re almost guaranteed the opportunity to dominate the jukebox. Dance party?! Yes. (You’re a great dancer. Trust us.)
2. Pool! And Happy Hour!
3. People aren’t going to look at you sideways for being three sheets to the wind in the middle of the day (they probably are, too).
4. Deep-fried foods.
5. Anyone who is drinking at a dive in the middle of the day probably has some stories to tell.
If you make it til the sun goes down, congratulations! You’re a pro. Astound and amaze the less seasoned drinkers who are arriving at the bar at a socially acceptable time with how turnt up you are when they’ve only just begun.
If you’re lucky, you’ll wake up with a Capri Sun pouch stuck to your back and chip crumbs all over your bed.