1 & 2. The Thompson Burger & The Big Sloppy – Willie’s Sports Cafe
What’s that? You think that’s not a burger? Think again. Lying just beneath the surface of that mound there rests two huge patties, just waiting to be discovered. What else rests below there is what truly makes this burger one for the ages, though. Alongside those waffle fries and melty cheese, there’s a ton of hearty, beefy chili scattered over the burger patties. We’re not quite sure how someone takes this thing down, but it seemed nearly impossible…
Speaking of impossible to eat, what’s up with this mammoth that goes by the name of “Big Sloppy?” Sure, they could have stopped at massive patties, cheese, and bacon, but that just wouldn’t have been sloppy enough. Instead, they decided to throw a massive amount of sweet tartar sauce into the mix, and the results are ridiculous. Just look at that thing! The picture doesn’t exactly do it justice, either.
3. Yo Mama Burger – Arnold’s
This burger’s so good that it’ll make you want to slap Yo Mama! Just kidding, but we assume that’s where the name came from. Anyway, this burger is every Cincinnatian’s dream. Sure, the egg is nice, but it’s the little addition of goetta that really puts this burger over the top. Not only does the goetta add to the meaty complexity, but there’s also a delicious, crunchy hash brown patty which adds an extra satisfying crunch. Arnold’s, you just get us.
4. Godzilla Burger – Habit’s
Some like it spicy, and The Godzilla Burger pays homage to that. What exactly makes it so spicy? Well, it’s a complex equation. We could pin it on the spicy Pepperjack, the zing of the spicy onion straws, or even the spicy mayo, but it’s really a little bit of everything. Sure, it’s not going to punish your mouth with extreme heat, but we like to think it’s pleasantly hot, and it’s hard to keep that balance of spicy and tasty, but we appreciate it.
5. The Tall Stack – Arthur’s
Bacon… sweet, sweet bacon. Some places skimp you with scrawny pieces, but not at Arthur’s. Instead, they load you up with some of thickest, juciest bacon you’ll find on any burger in Cincinnati. Not that the bacon is everything with this burger, but it’s definitely a nice touch. Alongside that bacon, you’ll get a load of cheese and two monstrous patties to make it complete. It’s not all over the place with toppings, but it’s better to just appreciate the simplicity anyway.
6. The Train Wreck – Zip’s
Sometimes you don’t just want a burger. Sometimes you want all the meat you can handle on one patty, and The Train Wreck will do more than simply satiate your hunger. Sure, you’ll probably go into an immediate food coma after eating it, but that’s fine. In case you were wondering, that’s a grilled mett and shaved ham on there. Don’t forget to add cheese on top if you want to catch the true essence of this bad boy…
7. The Goliath – Mad Mike’s
So, it’s pretty much like someone shoved this burger in between two grilled cheeses. Oh wait, that’s exactly what they did. These Black Angus Patties are surrounded by the works, and the toppings totally make this burger. Piled high with bacon, caramelized onions, lettuce, tomato, and BBQ, this is one burger that covers all the bases, and the results are impressive. The crunch of the grilled cheese only makes it better.
8. The Big Ted Deluxe – City View Tavern
This burger isn’t so epic because of the toppings, but, rather because of the patty itself. It’s just one giant patty topped with all the good stuff. That’s not to mention how epic it is when you take in the view from the patio. There’s just something so perfect about wolfing down a gigantic burger while taking in the Cincinnati skyline…
9. The Big Haas Burger – Local’s
This is, without a doubt, the most complex of all the burgers on this list. While it may not be a total behemoth, it’s still a big burger. Who cares about the size with all this taste, though? The sweetness of cole slaw comes together with tangy BBQ, melty cheese, and a crunchy onion ring to make this burger complete. That’s not to take away from the burger itself, though, which is both juicy and fresh. Wow, just wow…
10. Anything – Terry’s Turf Club
Is there anything that isn’t epic about Terry’s burgers? No, seriously. When it comes to history and crafting the perfect burger, they never disappoint. It’s all about the meat, and that works in their favor. There’s a reason why there’s pretty much always a line in the evenings, and it has nothing to do with the neon signs. It all comes back to those fantastic burgers.
11. The Rise & Shine – Flipdaddy’s
Look, we could easily recommend any burger from their wide assortment, because they’re all so interesting. However, the Rise & Shine just stands out to us because it feels like it would be perfect to eat literally any time of the day. The egg isn’t over-bearing, the bacon is crunchy, and the rest of the ingredients are fresh. This burger is perfect for brunch, especially with one of their delicious seasonal beers.