The 8 Best Places in Louisville to Have An Awkward Tinder Date

 

You’ve been dreaming of this moment ever since you swiped right 14 hours ago. You’ve chosen the girl with the best personality (cleavage shot) and charmed her with your arsenal of HILARIOUS puns and met with success: you got her number. So, now what? And ladies, how do you find a place that really sets the mood for listening to a guy talk about his workout routine for two hours? Allow us to help:

The Back Door

Why:A�Proposing to go to the Back Door invites the opportunity for sooo many innuendos, you’re basically already in. Nothing gets people in the mood like foosball and stuffing their face with delicious, greasy bar food. Not to mention that the pours are strong and the drinks are cheap, so if you’re not sure if the investment on this date will be worth the return, this is a low-risk situation.A�Also, if you’re like most young, sexy twentysomethings in Louisville, it’s in the Highlands and more than likely stumbling distance from at least one of your places.

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Nachbar

Why:A�Taking your date to Nachbar is a good way to observe a variety of telling personality traits and behaviors. Did they ask the bartender if they had Bud Light? Did they act surprised and/or disappointed that Maroon 5 wasn’t on the jukebox? Did they LOVE the bar cat, or just think he was kind of alright? Think about what this all means, and if you can see yourself having a future with someone who claps at the wrong part of a jazz guitar solo.

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Diamonds

Why:A�Admittedly, this one is for selfish reasons. Guys, please watch your Tinder date closely and try to figure out if she’s the one who has been shredding all of the toilet paper in the women’s restroom. It looks like a friggin’ hamster cage in there, EVERY NIGHT. Nobody ever sees anyone shredding it, and yet, it’s always there. How?! Oh, and there’s pool. Take a cue (DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) from every 80s movie ever and get up close and personal by leaning in to give your date some erotic tips on shooting pool.

Shoot

Nowhere Bar

Why:A�Taking your Tinder flame here is a good way to evaluate if he’s REALLY into women, or if he’s just searching for a cover girlfriend to bring to family functions. Hell, if he is, at least you’ll have a great partner to dance the night away with to Miley Cyrus remixes.

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Phoenix Hill Tavern

Why:A�Bear with me, ladies. This is a good one for that match that you were kind of on the fence about, like maybe-he’s-crazy-but-I-don’t-get-paid-for-a-few-more-days-and-would-like-some-free-drinks-or-whatever. You know. This labyrinthine bar has more hiding places than a squirrel in the fall, and provides many routes for a quick exit strategy. With two levels and a roof garden of deafening live music, you could be out the door and down the street 20 minutes before he even realizes you’re gone. If it does go well, you can look back and laugh, “Oh honey, remember when I asked you to take me to Phoenix Hill Tavern because I was worried you might be crazy?”

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Zanzabar

Why:A�Bring your date to this arcade bar for some good brews, arcade games, and pinball.A�Some friendly competition really ignites passion, or something like that. Even if your date sucks, at least you got to play video games the whole time. Ladies, this is also a good way to evaluate how good your Tinder man is at listening while he’s playing video games, which is critical information if you see this going anywhere in the future.

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Akiko’s

Why: BringingA�your date here on a weekend night is really just a test of patience. How many white girls forgetting all the words to a Missy Elliott song can this dude or lady handle before they start to crack? Karaoke is also generally a good indication as to how much embarrassment a person can tolerate, which is supposed to be a sign of strong character or whatever. Nothing says “romance” like being the eleventh couple to sing Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow’s “Picture” that night.

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Cahoots

Why:A�If you’re banking on your date having low standards, taking them to Cahoots is a good way to evaluate exactly how low they are. Anyone who can chug cheap liquor at the rate Cahoots pours it is more than likely DTF. The downside is that your date might think it’s “gross” or “scary.” They’re obviously a square, good riddance. Plus, if the cops raid Cahoots during your date, it will be a great bonding experience that will totally bring you all closer and make a great story to tell your grandkids someday.

great scot!

 

Featured Image Credit: Erik Freitas