Trying to eat at Einstein Bros Bagels, ever
Wait in line for 15 minutes only to find that theya��re out of the first, second and third thing you wanted to order. A�Enjoy being late to class with the Garlic bagel youa��re going to have to settle on for breakfast.
Do you like your car and apartment being broken into and living next door to sketchy people with a below-average number of teeth? Do I have the place for you!
JCTC be like, a�?Sure, this credit will transfer.a�?
SPOILER ALERT: it doesna��t.
No Paparazzi, Please
It’s great and exciting that our school is doing so many big things that seem to demand an almost-constant media presence, but when it seems like you can hardly walk to class without doing the walk-of-shame through the background of a shot wearing PJ pants with wet hair, it becomes problematic. Now everyone who watches the evening news is going to know what you were up to last night.
Always with the floods.
Campus Life When Youa��re Not a Sports Fan
Okay, I decided I could deal with the Greeks today and decided to brave the SACa�� only to walk into a pep rally? Do colleges even DO that? Ia��m just sitting here trying to eat my Chick-fil-A (hold the politics) and therea��s half of the marching band and some guy with a megaphone serenading me with the fight song.
No Red Bull
Seriously? You mean I have to walk like FIVE MINUTES off campus to a�?get some wingsa�?? Where are the girls with the Red Bull jet packs when you need them?
Fruit and Cheese Cups
I love cheese just as much as the next person (probably more) but likea�� how are you going to serve fruit and cheese without any wine? What a tease.
The SAC is so Greek they should just call it the Parthenon
Youa��re not going to be able to have your lunch without a side of douchebags in bow ties, boat shoes and plastic 80s dayglo sunglasses with straps. If ita��s rush week, you may want to consider skipping lunch altogether.
The 1st Street parking shift change
If youa��ve ever had an afternoon or night class, you know what Ia��m talking about. That magical window of time between 2:20 and 2:40 when Manual kids are leaving for the day is your ticket to free, proximal parking. If you dona��t beat the rush youa��re SOL.
a�?Non-traditional studentsa�? in the library
Yeah, it is totally not distracting that youa��ve been reading your entire assignment out loud.
a�?Traditional studentsa�? in the library
Yeah, it is totally not distracting that youa��ve spent the past half hour talking to your “sister” about how you got so totally wasted last weekend.
Being a Commuter Student
Youa��ve probably lived in Louisville at least most of your life, if not all of it — chances are you still live with your parents, you went to high school with 40% of your classmatesa�� not exactly the college experience portrayed on Animal House.
Being a Non-Commuter Student
You moved to the big city looking for a brave new world and were so excited to meet new people! A�a��and every single one of them have known each other for 18 years. It sure is lonely on the outside.
Slim Pickina��s for Watering Holes
20,000+ students and the nearest bar can barely accommodate 50 people? What the heck?
Traffic Jams at Eastern Parkway and Third Street
Every once in a blue moon there’s that truck driver who doesn’t believe the laws of physics apply to them. Yeah, you know, if your trailer is taller than the clearance, you’re probably going to get stuck. D’oh!
Deciphering the Secret of the Shuttles
There is a strategy about when to board the shuttle to get the quickest ride back to the parking lot at Papa Johna��s stadium. If you go to the right stop, you board immediately. If you go to the wrong stop, four shuttles will pass you by until one reluctantly opens its doors for you. Youa��re on your own, kid. If you figure it out, you deserve priority seating.
Our Mascot is a Bird with Teeth
I meana�� really?