1. The Arguing Couple
A minute ago they were all over each other and now they’re throwing insults too slurred to understand… Stay classy guys.
2. The Jagerbomb Dude
Money’s on him passing out on the bar stool, but not until he hits on every girl that walks by. Bombs away…
3. The “Will You Buy Me A Drink” Girl
She’s waiting for you while you’re waiting for your drink, she gives a wink and, so seductively, asks if she can get a drink. We know your game, it’s not going to work.
4. The Homie-Hopper
We all know one…
5. The Cig-Bummer
How does one cigarette always turn into four?!
6. The Creepy Old Guys
You have to commend them for staying in the game this long.
7. The Storyteller
He’ll talk about the time he bare-knuckle boxed a bear, saved an old lady, and hooked up with a model. We know you didn’t, dude.
8. The Couple With A Baby in A Crowded Bar
Ah, nothing like alcohol and cigarette smoke to get this kid’s life started. Take your child home, please.
9. The Obnoxious Drunk
Yeah, he’ll hear about puking all over that girl tomorrow morning. Should have listened to his friends while he was ahead.
10. The Dude Looking For A Fight
Do you even lift, bro? Are you looking at me, dude? Chances are his friends will “hold him back” before it gets too serious.
11. The Bachelor Party Dudes
Somehow their night of fun can end up ruining yours. No, that girl doesn’t want to dance for you.
12. The Flirty, Married Woman
She’s drunk, looking for some fun and doesn’t care if you see her ring. Wait… Why is your friend Brian talking to her?
13. The Awkward Match.com Date
Yeah, he doesn’t look like an Italian supermodel like his profile picture… You’ll see them sitting awkwardly, trying to get drunk enough to hook up and escape loneliness.
14. The Bartender’s “Best Friend”
He’s camped out at the bar, distracting the bartenders with conversations they don’t want to have. No, you’re not getting more alcohol in your drink and no, you’re not getting a free shot.
15. The Way-Too-Drunk Crying Girl (and sometimes guy)
She’s devastated about that breakup that happened 8-months ago. Why are men such jerks?
16. The Texters
They’re furiously texting their boyfriend to find out where he is. Or maybe they’re sending text after text; reminding whoever’s on the other end that they want to marry them. Ah, the drunk texts…
17. The Middle-Aged Swingers
They’re hoping to get you drunk enough to bring some spice into their routine. Yikes.
18. The Assholes Who Don’t Pick Up The Giant Jenga
No, you didn’t just knock over a testament to modern architecture. Get over there and put it back together.
19. The Drinking Competition Contestants
These guys think they have an iron stomach… until shot five, which comes back up before it goes down.
20. The “I’m Too Hip To Be A Hipster,” Hipster
After a few rounds they’re ready to defend his/her “original” style, and is easily offended when called out. You’re a hipster.
21. The Big Spender
His stocks just went through the roof. Now he wants to buy everyone in the bar their own fifth of alcohol. You’re our hero, sir.
22. The Instagram Documentarian
No, no one wants to see your poorly-edited picture of a glass of Budweiser.
23. The Barefoot Girl
She wore six inch heels to show off her butt, but now her feet are coated in spilled drinks and whatever else was on the restroom floor. Put some shoes on, ya animal.
24. The Political Activist
They’re ready and willing to debate anything as if it’s going to change the world after a few drinks. Just walk away from them, because nobody will win.
25. The Pitcher Bum
They swear up and down that the next pitcher’s on them… just like last week and the week before. We’re on to you.