1. Galapalooza Horses
HEY, IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, WE’RE REALLY INTO HORSES AND WE’RE GOING TO REMIND YOU EVERY OTHER BLOCK IN CASE YOU FORGET.
2. Thousands of People Who Will Come Sweat In The Kentucky August Heat To Dress Up Like Zombies “Just Because”
…because nothing says “summertime” like “zombies.”
3. A Satirical Newspaper About A Neighborhood That Doesn’t Understand Satire
The Germantown Times has only just begun. Please don’t ever leave us, Frank and Sandy.
4. Every Ex You’d Hoped You’d Never See Again
No matter how far you travel, your inerasable two-degrees-of-separation dating history will be here waiting for you when you return home. Remember that girl you dated in the 11th grade? Good news, she’s engaged to your cousin!
5. Simultaneous Southern Pride and False Sense Of Yankee Superiority
Yeah, we wear cowboy boots, drink bourbon whiskey, ride horses, know how to mix up some REAL sweet tea… until there’s someone making national headlines about leading the police on a low-speed chase on a tractor and getting charged with DUI. No way that was us, definitely had to be Alabama or some state further South and therefore more backwards (we hope).
6.A�A Guy Who Sells Beef Jerky Out Of A Picnic Basket Who Everyone Is Expecting And Doesn’t Think It’s Weird That He Looks Like A Nineteenth-Century Train Conductor
…and we count on him like clockwork. He is a state treasure.
7. Nights At Bars That Decline Into A Divided Room of People Incoherently Shouting C-A-R-D-S and C-A-T-S At Each Other
It’s the little things in life.
8. People Who Who Use The Word “Bourbon” and”Drink”A�InterchangeablyA�At The Bar The Same Way People Use “Coke” To Refer To All Soft Drinks
You meant a shot of VODKA when you asked for a shot? What are you, a communist?
9. A Sit-Down, KFC Dining Experience
10. Children Conceived As A Consequence Of LouisvilleMojo
Don’t laugh, you could be one of them. Okay, actually, probably not, but given the frame of time LouisvilleMojo has been up and running, I bet most of them are named Aiden. Or Jayden. Or Caden. The weirdest part of this is that the site STILL EXISTS. And there are 4 girls online right now.
11. The World’s Only Underground Zipline
…because ziplining above ground isn’t extreme enough.
12. A Bunch Of Dudes
Okay, we’re not the ONLY, but we were the FIRST Lebowski Fest, so there’s something to be said for that.
13. A BBQ Joint In A Basement That’s Raved About On National Television That People Will Line Up Around The Block For A Table
…and by BBQ we mean “any animal you’d want to ever eat, on a bun.”
14. Couches That Aren’t On Fire Following A Kentucky Basketball Game
Only you can prevent couch fires.
15. A Whiskey Bar That Would Shut Up Any Bourbon Snob That Is Still A Dive, Complete With Arcade Games And A Vinyl Night
We’re not pretending that it takes anything more than a respectable bourbon selection to rope us in.
16. AA�SouvenirA�Shop That Even Locals Enjoy
We can curate a souvenir shop that is a dang carnival. Wanna bring home your folks a cheesy shot glass? Nope, they need an Inflatable Bee Beard.
17. A Citywide Holiday To Indulge In Bourbon Drinking And Betting On Horse Racing
…because going to work or class on Oaks is for amateurs.
18. OUR ETERNAL MAYOR AND FEARLESS LEADER, JERRY ABRAMSON
He was in office longer than some of us have been alive.
19. Hunter S. Thompson’s Childhood Home
What other city could produce someone so delightfully twisted? The house is located in the Cherokee Triangle area. He went to Atherton and Male, before you have to ask.
20. People Who Actually Care About Hot Browns
We insist everyone try one while they’re here, but do they? DO they?
21. An All-Knowing, Giant Farmer
The kids will never know that there’s a guy with a mic in that window up there responding to their questi- shit!
22. The Bambi Bar Walk
It may be physically impossible to complete, but we try our damndest because we Louisvillians are a dauntless folk, especially when it comes to drinking.